I just spent 20 minutes pouring my heart onto the keyboard, sharing myself fully, only to find that I could not get it all published! no matter what i tried the last post would show only half of what was written! Oh well, no matter, only a chance to get to explore more of myself!
I really want to keep a journal of my life. Now that I have 3 more people that I am intimately involved with, it is exciting enough that now I really want to! My darling husband, and my 2 beautiful children, how I could never give enough thanks for my time that i get to spend with them. The truth being though, that I pray to overcome the rigid mental blocks and co-dependent patterns that keep me from fully giving the love that I know is available! I refuse to become victim of past thoughts and actions and surely my relationship skills will blossom and my heart will soften!
We have spent the greater part of the last 3 1/2 years together on our yet-to-be-named 3 acres of land. The land is an ever unfolding source of delight for us as we get to know it! The land is a kipuka, We have tried to tread lightly, especially after some earlier mistakes we made in our over eagerness to "be on our land". We had a bulldozer come in in the beginning, and had a driveway' housepad' and a small orchard dozed. We see now that the topsoil washed away in the orchard and the trees we planted there need constant support to grow. The trees that my husband so painstakingly hand cleared for in chosen spots, full of soil and in optimum light are growing with gusto! We learned a very valuable lesson in that. Patience with the natural unfolding of events! We have had a wonderful chance to gently observe life here. We now see the way the waters flow, the wind blows in the forest, and where the sun shines all year long. The time is nearing when we build ourselves an earth dwelling, and I feel all this austere preparatory living has proved to be in our best interest. I think now of all the subtle complaining I have done for not having instant sense gratification satisfied, and I know I cant take it back, but i can silence my tongue in the future and give thanks for what I do have! I am just now starting to feel my young roots anchor themselves in this experience and I am grateful to be able to have this opportunity!